I’d like to take the time to go through the pieces in my portfolio, starting with one of my oldest pieces title, “Noise.” This piece was made back in my senior year of college, and is a reflection of where I was mentally at the time. I had become very desperate to find work of any kind and was not only throwing myself into my portfolio, but also into as many other projects as possible. I was rather jealous at the time, feeling like I was being left behind by most of my peers who were starting to get actual book deals, contracts with Marvel, Image, DC, and the like. This lead to multiple all-nighters in the studio, and after a 3 day bender where I never left the studio, my body gave out and I was given my first ulcer, which left me pretty much bedridden for a week.
During that week in bed, I was overcome with depression, anxiety, and anger. I believe I was mainly angry at my body for not being able to do, what I thought every “real” artist did. Which now I know is nonsense and most artists actually should and do take care of themselves in some degree. In the moment, however, I wanted to escape. Not from the work, or from illness, mainly I wanted to escape from all the thoughts in my head. I felt like I had no control over my thoughts and that the information was coming in like “noise.”
When I finally was good enough to work, I was playing with a kneaded eraser, still thinking about the noise in my head and made a figure that had its hands covering their head. I was struck with the inspiration that this is how I wanted to get my feelings onto paper. I warped the figure into a more monstrous design. The design was inspired by the wilting and desert bushes, which felt fitting since the idea was that the world around me was rotting, and barren to me.
This piece was initially just a form of therapy to me, however it seemed to have an affect on other people. It was discovered by one of my professors and he immediately said it should be in my portfolio in some form. I believe he also said I’d been, “holding out on him.”
This piece is now a staple of my booth set up and has a home in the top corner of the wall. My favorite thing about the piece is what others bring to it. I’ve had people think it’s from some sort of other IP, but most of the time people describe it as a liminal space that they’ve been to before, or that it reminds them of their own invasive thoughts. Someone with Synesthesia said they could feel the aura coming off of it.
This piece goes to show that people want to connect, and that connections through shared emotions like depression, anxiety, and the like make us all human.
Thanks for reading and we’ll see you in the next one.